Home: A Reflection on Seeking Amid Family and Motherhood
Written by Nicki Johnston
Last year, in the Year of the Giver, Well-Read Mom selected for our Advent read a short story by Leo Tolstoy called “Two Old Men.” If you weren’t yet a member of Well-Read Mom, you can find it online through a quick Google search. Those of us who were members received it printed in our Reading Companions (these are the page numbers to which I’ll refer, by the way). Whether you’ve read it already or not, it fits beautifully with this Year of the Seeker and my reflection on the home.
This story has stuck with me for a whole year after its reading. Listening to my husband read aloud this folktale to me and our children was one of my sweetest memories of 2022. And this introduction to Tolstoy led me to read Anna Karenina, my favorite book of 2023.
This story of two old men, with all its beautiful lessons about pilgrimage, true worship, hospitality, and corporal works of mercy, seemed to me a story about motherhood and being a stay-at-home mom.
Never have I felt so convicted by a character as I was by Efim. Like Efim, I, too, am busy at home. On the story’s first page, we read that “He always had so much business on hand; as soon as one thing was finished, he started another.” Efim could never spare the time, and don’t I often feel the same way myself? There’s always so much to do, so much care and attention required by my children and my home: mountains of laundry, sinks full of dishes, homeschooling plans to be made and executed, volunteer work to be done, and so on. Sometimes, it is hard to spare time for a friend, a pilgrimage, a book, or even prayer.
My husband affectionately calls me a “marcher,” and like Efim, I walk “well and firmly.” Efim is a good man. We’re told he does no wrong and speaks no vain words, which I’m not sure can always be said for me. It’s not his feet that matter but the disposition of his heart, which is “not so light.” “Household cares weighed on his mind. He kept worrying about what was going on at home. Had he not forgotten to […] He almost wanted to turn back and show him how to do things, or even do them himself” (129).
This example rang so true for me. How often does my husband encourage me to take time for myself, including my Well-Read Mom meetings, and yet I struggle to leave because I am worried that I forgot to do something or I’m afraid that my husband won’t be capable of caring for his own children? Sometimes, I experience what Efim did, whose “former anxiety returned as to how affairs were getting on in his absence” as he drew nearer to his home (141). Will dinner be tidied up as it would have been if I were there to supervise? Were the kids allowed to stay up later than usual because I wasn’t there to manage bedtime?
Reading about Efim was like holding up a mirror to many of my shortcomings. So, I was grateful to have a second old man, Elisha, who offered an example of what I want for myself and my family.
Unlike Efim, “Elisha left home in a cheerful mood, and as soon as he was out of the village forgot all his home affairs. His only care was how to please his comrade, how to avoid saying a rude word to anyone, how to get to his destination and home again in peace and love.” (128)
On the surface, it might seem like Efim was the one being selfless by thinking about the family and household he had left behind, but it was a sense of control and pride that motivated him. On the other hand, Elisha was not selfish by forgetting his home affairs. Doing so freed him to consider not himself and how important he was at home but to give himself to others with his presence. He thinks not of himself but of how to please his comrades, and this openness is what enables him to answer the Lord’s call to stay with and serve the people who need him most.
Then, when Elisha does come home, he arrives to a very different sight than Efim. “Everything was going on well: all the work had been done, nothing neglected, and all were living in peace and concord.” Though he comes home early and is perceived by others as foolish, he does not try to explain what happened or take credit for his generosity. And yet, his family were “delighted to see him again” (136).
Not only do I aspire to be like Elisha in all the ways that his soul (if not his feet) went to the Holy Land, but I also want to be like his wife. His wife speaks my favorite lines in the whole story about Elisha’s return:
“And we were glad the Lord had sent him back to us! We were dull without him. We can’t expect much work from him anymore, his years for work are past; but still he is the head of the household and it’s more cheerful when he’s at home. And how glad our lad was! He said, ‘It’s like being without sunlight, when father’s away!’ It was dull without him, dear friend. We’re fond of him, and take good care of him.” (144)
This quote, too, made me question not just my disposition when I leave and return home but how well I receive my husband when he does. Do I value my husband as the head of the household? Not for the work I expect from him, but for how cheerful he makes our home? Do I always show him how fond I am of him and take care of him the way Elisha’s wife and son take care of Elisha? I have pondered these questions throughout the past year and hope that my actions have changed as a result of reading this story.
Isn’t that one of the reasons we read? We want our reading to change us, to help us grow in virtue. This growth can happen through direct instruction, such as this year’s Advent selection. We benefit greatly by reading spiritual classics by wise Christians who have come before us. Brother Lawrence speaks to our intellect and offers us suggestions of practices that can help us grow closer to God. But stories can play an integral part in this as well. When we encounter a beautiful work of art that offers us a vision of goodness, our hearts move to action.
Just as Brother Lawrence remarked that his work time was no less fruitful than his designated prayer time, I find something similar to be true. My reading of fiction is often just as—if not more—meaningful in my spiritual life than a strictly “spiritual” book. For this reason, we are so lucky to participate in Well-Read Mom, a book club that offers us all types of great literature.
I hope that during this Advent season of both seeking and waiting, you can find the Lord in your prayer, work, and reading.
Nicki Johnston
Nicki Johnston is a home educator, a CGS catechist, an avid reader and an amateur naturalist. She lives in Kansas with her husband, Graham, and their four young sons.
About Well-Read Mom
In Well-Read Mom, women read more and read well. Our hope is to deepen the awareness of meaning hidden in each woman’s daily life, elevate the cultural conversation, and revitalize reading literature from books. If you would like to have us help you select worthy reading material, we invite you to join and read along with us. We are better together! For information on how to start or join a Well-Read Mom group visit our website wellreadmom.com
