Seen, Known, and Loved
Written by Jill Rasmussen
When Well-Read Mom announced the Year of the Seeker, I was immediately drawn to the featured quote by Saint Mother Teresa: “From the moment a soul has the grace to know God, she must seek.” It reminded me of the very first paragraph of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which states:
God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness, freely created man to make him share in His blessed life. For this reason, God draws close to man at every time and place. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength.
God created each of us with this deep desire, and only in Him will we find true happiness. We long to be seen, known, and loved, and we never stop searching for that perfect fulfillment. Yet we cannot find it unless we are willing to acknowledge the truth and entrust ourselves to the One who made us.
We are free to choose; however, we are prone to fail in this world full of indifference, evil, scandal, and sin. It becomes all too easy to lose our trust and to try to hide from God and others. We become reluctant to face the truth and reveal our sins and weaknesses for fear of rejection.
As I began reading The Ghost Keeper by Natalie Morrill, I recognized this fear in Josef Tobak and Friedrich Zimmel. During the years before World War II, the two Austrian men grew up together and forged an unlikely friendship. Friedrich is a weak and lonely man whose lack of conviction causes him to yield to the Nazis and cooperate with the Austrian invasion. Josef, a Jewish man who avoids confrontation and shuts down whenever he faces uncomfortable or painful situations, is forced to flee Vienna during the Anschluss. Years later, when the two friends reunite, Friedrich is afraid to reveal the sins he committed during the war to Josef, and Josef is afraid to reveal to the readers of his story—but perhaps, in particular, to his wife and son—how he failed his friend, Friedrich.
Josef’s difficulty deciding how to begin his story immediately filled me with foreboding. He reluctantly circles the pivotal moment—the final conversation in the kitchen—when truth and mercy must eventually meet in Friedrich’s revelation. Because Friedrich has no one else, Josef’s response matters greatly to him, and he is terrified of losing his friend. He admits:
“I need you to look at me, Josef, and see me, and understand the person I am and decide whether you can forgive me or not . . . I want you to know that this isn’t a beautiful place right now, nor am I beautiful, nor lovable, nor half-respectable. I have heard someone say that this is when people need love the most, and I would agree with him—only I hate myself for being this way, and I can hardly hope that you might feel differently.”
Josef remains avoidant and shuts Friedrich down several times because he is afraid to hear the ugly truth. Still, Josef feels obligated to his friend because of everything Friedrich did to save his family during the Anschluss.
As Friedrich’s health fails and he becomes desperate to unburden himself, Josef finally summons the courage to listen to his story. Friedrich makes a heartbreaking prediction: “You’re going to hate me.” Is this not our deepest fear, that we will never be fully seen or known or loved, never truly accepted, that our sins and failures are too great and cannot be forgiven, that we will never find mercy?
As I read on, my heart sank at Josef’s response to Friedrich’s painful confession. Friedrich does not want Josef to forgive him out of some sense of obligation; instead, he longs for him to offer mercy and love. Had Josef done so, it might have made all the difference. But Josef has trouble seeing Friedrich as a friend rather than a monster, and words of comfort lodge in his throat. He hesitates to honor Friedrich’s plea to move the baby’s remains to the cemetery, suggests that he needs a doctor more than a friend, and then leaves him to face the terrible night alone even after Friedrich begs him to stay. In the end, Friedrich’s heart is utterly broken, and Josef is responsible for leaving him with little consolation before his death.
It is easy to love what is good and true and beautiful. But how do we respond when we encounter sin and ugliness? We all long to be seen, known, and loved for who we truly are, but choosing to trust another person with our misery can be terrifying. There is no going back or hiding once we have revealed the truth about ourselves. We may find mercy, or we may not; still, we must take the risk. At the same time, we must remember that we are, in fact, all seekers, each of us imperfect, and what we hope to find, we must also be ready to extend to others. As Jesus reminds us throughout the Gospels: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful . . . Forgive and you will be forgiven . . . Love one another as I love you.” This is what He has commanded us to do.
As I continue to grow in my spiritual life and experience God in new and more profound ways, I long to see Him, know Him, and love Him more and more. As Saint Mother Teresa says, I must seek to draw nearer to Him, to become more like Him, to do His will more perfectly, and to fully become who He created me to be.
To reach that perfect union, I need to face the areas of ugliness and brokenness that arise along the way. I cannot avoid them. Instead, I must seek mercy. As Josef explains to his son Tobias, “You can’t heal someone who won’t let you see how he’s wounded.” I must reveal my deepest self, confess my sins, admit my faults, ask forgiveness, and submit to healing all my wounds. I need to allow myself to be perfectly seen, known, and loved by the One who will never fail me if I will only trust and abandon myself to Him.
About Jill Rasmussen
Jill Rasmussen has been part of Well-Read Mom since the very first meeting. She’s a mother of five from central Minnesota.
About Well-Read Mom
In Well-Read Mom, women read more and read well. Our hope is to deepen the awareness of meaning hidden in each woman’s daily life, elevate the cultural conversation, and revitalize reading literature from books. If you would like to have us help you select worthy reading material, we invite you to join and read along with us. We are better together! For information on how to start or join a Well-Read Mom group visit our website wellreadmom.com
