Thou Mayest

One of my oldest sons had given me his copy to read two years prior. He is a history and psychology major and has also given me other books to read. He said he was fascinated by East of Eden and thought I would love it too. Now, I admit that I am what some would consider a “speed reader”. This ability has its downside, as I typically leave with a mere impression of a book. Thus, the story does not always remain in its fullness in my memory. I read East of Eden cover-to-cover while sitting under a tree with a glass of iced coffee during a few days of the hot summer as I watched my girls playing in the pool. And then, the book came up in discussion. “Has anyone read this book?” asked my friend who leads our group. I quickly blurted out that I had. Then she asked for a summary from my perspective, as she had started it and thought it was awful! My mind went blank—what was the story? All I had left was an impression, but it was positive. What made a book that my friend thought was awful something that left me with the idea that people should ultimately read it? How could my judgment be so off?

That conversation immediately took me back to another Well-Read Mom book discussion I had about Crime and Punishment, a book we read a few years back. Another friend, who had several good reasons not to read the book, encouraged me to do so. I remember we were taking a walk around and around her backyard through the beginning of the spring season. Everything was blossoming for the first time. I had mentioned that I got through the crime, but I did not want to know the punishment. It seemed so dreary. And in her wisdom, she just said, “Well, it must’ve been chosen for a reason. We have to forge on through challenges because we don’t know what the end will be. Don’t give up!” I did end up finishing that book, and I was glad about it. I learned something. I grew. It felt good to read it through and talk about it with others because it would not be something I could ever pick up on my own and finish. I wouldn’t have the stomach or the heart for it alone.

So this moment with Crime and Punishment and my friend’s encouragement leaped into my mind as I tried to figure out what to say about East of Eden. And I just responded as my friend had, “Keep going. It will make sense at the end.” Incidentally, my words were not as encouraging as my other friend’s words were to me, and as far as I know, the book has not been finished. That is her choice, and I respect that. But many books have been chosen that have produced similar immediate, visceral, adverse reactions in other women in the group. I have not shared these reactions for most books, yet I am fascinated by WHY a book was chosen. The characters themselves speak to me, their circumstances jump out at me, and I can see something relatable in their lives to mine, even in the darkest characters like Rodion Raskolnikov (I had to look that up, by the way)! The other ladies’ questions about why the book was chosen aroused a question in me, too: Why am I not disturbed by disturbed characters? Why do I honestly find them fascinating? Is this a personal problem? Or maybe because I have lived a life with dark and ugly scars that are rarely brought out into the open, I can somehow relate to others who have sins that seem unforgivable. Maybe I like strange stories with realism, and it’s a personal taste.

And then, I waited for the discussion and wondered if I should reveal that I liked the book against the better judgment of the group leader and everyone else. It speaks to a more profound question of honesty, truth, and the acknowledgment that one opinion is not better or worse than another, just different. And we grow. And we learn. And we challenge ourselves to figure out how to communicate our differences, understand one another, and grow closer as friends. I am grateful.

So back to East of Eden. Reading it a second time, which I again consumed in about two weeks of being sick over Christmas break, was novel. I rarely read a book twice. This time, the characters, themes, and everything about it stuck in my mind more completely. And because I finished the book in December, and it’s a book for January and February, that left me with free time. So I did something I hadn’t done in probably 15 years. That is, I borrowed a book off the shelves of the (gasp!) library. Just bringing my kids into the library and watching them pick random books off the shelves is a form of debilitation because I take literature seriously! What’s this? A book about a dog whose name is Daisy? What is in that book? What lesson will the author be trying to teach? Shouldn’t I read that book before my daughter does? When would I have time for that? Ah!! But yes, I pulled a book that looked interesting off the shelf. It was called The Kept. This book seemed interesting as it was about a mother and her son bonding over a family tragedy. What could go wrong?

I read that book in a day. It was depressing from beginning to end, and with no break or hope for something otherwise in the middle of it. Upon finishing it, I came to a fresh thought about what makes a classic. and I again was grateful for the women behind Well-Read Mom and the choices they make for us. I don’t want to make my own book choices because of the lack of depth I found unsatisfying in The Kept. It hit none of my values—using my time wisely, growing, intentionally learning something new, and growing in friendship with others. Not much, except it made me realize that reading East of Eden with my friends (even if they do not like the book or choose to read it in its entirety) helps me in countless ways.

Why hope? Because John Steinbeck did not just write a novel about death, misery, and evil. He wrote it specifically in the context of the Bible story, of humanity’s story of suffering and making sense of life and relationships. For goodness sake, he titled it East of Eden! The title is essential because it points to the fact that our world is NOT Eden; it is not grace-filled when we turn our backs on God. It can be dark and ugly, but at the same time, there are bright lights in it. If the title doesn’t get you, he patterns the brotherly relationship not once but twice in the book on the story of Cain and Abel. We see the same things repeatedly happening between the brothers and the father, giving us pause. What about this story is true for me in my own life? 

What did I learn from East of Eden? I learned the story has something more for me than just another tale pulled from the library shelf. It is a classic for a reason. It makes you think, self-reflect, and wonder about the world. What would our unified yet individual worlds be like without the grace of God? When have I lived without His grace, and what decisions did I make because of that back turning? What would my life be like without God? What choices have I made or will I make today toward or away from God?

And most importantly, East of Eden presents us with the notion that we have a CHOICE in our lives. We get to decide for ourselves. And that is a straight-up reflection of God. Who else gives us true freedom to love or reject with no expectations but our Creator?